Shhh the baby is sleeping
I NEVER USE THIS WORD BUT THIS IS I C O N I C
Who the hell invented the word “smexy” and what the fuck does the letter m in it even stand for
Just in case
The only Dad joke that matters.
i didn’t realize how badly i needed an infinite loop of nicki minaj and ellen degeneres saying different words for booty until suddenly i had it.
HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS IN 3 EASY STEPS
STEP 1: purposefully bump into girl(make sure you are typing into your calculator while doing this)
STEP 2: say “im sorry. i didnt you, i was taking inventory of all my lizards”
STEP 3: make sure she sees the number 42069666 on the screen
what did i just read
i need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash